To alcohol...

To alcohol, thief of the most precious,


You stole from me, or perhaps I gave willingly. But the truth is, you wrapped it all up in an irresistable bow in order to get it. You stole precious moments between me and my daughter. Moments I will never get back. Opportunities long gone.

You stole them by making me drunk. You stole them by leaving me passed out. And you stole them by feeding my selfishness and by absorbing my focus.

She sought my attention. I ignored her. She woke up from a nap and walked around wondering why Mommy was still asleep. I lost my temper. I lost my patience. I didn't have to.

These were two precious years. The years that she is first learning her way in the world. The years that she is first learning what it means to feel loved. The years when she is first learning who Mommy is. These were the years of first steps and first words. Patty cake and itsy-bitsy spider. Pig tails and bloomers. Pink cheeks and delighted wonder.

Now she is learning to use the potty. She is talking in chains of sentences. She is exploring the world in fearless abandon, and asking "why" about everything she sees. And before I know it, she will be doing her first dance recital, getting her first girl scout badge, going to her first dance and flying away from me here to find her way in the world.

She is beautiful. And I may have lost that precious time. But I will not let you steal any more of it. It is like piles of gold to me. And I see now all the lies that you told me. All the lies you got me to tell myself. I see them for what they are now, and recognize what I have lost. From here on out I will be valuing every moment I have with her. I will not be listening to you. You will not steal her from me, for I know that is your goal. I still have a lifetime of precious moments with her. I still have an opportunity to build a loving relationship with her that we can both cherish. I will pour myself into being healthy for her, and being a good mother to her. I will focus on our future together and all of the blessings in store for us.

stay away,

L.'s mother

To Alcohol...

Hello Alcohol-

Yes, I heard you knocking on the door again this weekend.  You thought you were so clever.  The things you said, so smooth... "A nice dinner out with your husband just isn't the same without a glass of wine, you can handle it." Whatever, alcohol, whatever.  You're not welcome around here anymore.

Did you hear that?  I said get out, leave me alone.  We don't want you or what you have to offer.  Didn't you see the sign on the door?  I know it's all LIES now.  I know that you want to rob me of everything that is good and precious in this life.  You want me dead.  You want me miserable until then.  You want my husband and my daughter to hate me.  You want me to hate myself. 

But I see all that now, I see you for what you are, and if there is anything I hate in this world it is you.  I've chosen to live.  I've chosen a life full of love.  I've given it all to God, and he's in charge now.  He's already shown me the blessings that lay in store for me.  He's got a good plan for me, that leads to happiness, joy and a lifetime of precious memories. 

And let me tell you, He is going to kick your butt.  You thought you had me figured out.  You knew my weaknesses, and were sticking your fingers into those wounds to get me to pick up a bottle and follow your plan.  And alone I'm no match for you, I would have been yours.  But look out, because my God doesn't lose.  And He don't mess around.  Consider yourself VANQUISHED.  Because that's what de does to my enemies.  Do you know what "vanquish" means?  Let me help you out...

1 : to overcome in battle : subdue completely


2 : to defeat in a conflict or contest

3 : to gain mastery over
 
So, in other words.  You're toast.
 
So you can go ahead and keep knocking.  I know you will.  I know that you'll always be there waiting.  Too bad for you.

~me

30 Days

Hello Alcohol-

It's been 30 days since you were around.  I still think about you all the time.  I have to, for fear I grow complacent and think you're actually a friend of mine.  It was fairly easy to keep you at bay while I was in Valley Hope, but now that I'm out I suspect that you'll be whispering in my ear.  Do me a favor... stay away.

I don't want you in my life anymore.  You took me further than I wanted to go, and kept me longer than I wanted to stay.  I'm never coming back, so back off.  I see now what a thief you are, how you would take me from who and what is most important in my life.  I won't give you a second chance.

Today I have a choice.  For years you took that from me.  It's mine again, and I'm not going to let it go.  I know that if I make the wrong choice, and choose to drink, it won't be long before you are in control again, you monster.  One drink might as well be a thousand.

I will get my 30 day coin tonight, everyone that is important to me will be there.  Family, and recovering friends.  We should have a great time and celebrate this achievment.  Sorry, but you're not invited.

~K