Last Day of IOP...

Today is officially my last day with the Intensive Outpatient Program at Valley Hope.  I finished up the curriculum last weekend, but was still able to participate in group stuff up until today.  We opted to do it, since IOP does improve relapse rates, and VH offers an online program that was perfect for our situation.  Might as well put everything in our corner that we have available to us.  It required 9 hours logged online each week, which meant close to an hour and a half each day for 6 weeks.  It was a bit to manage with a hectic schedule and an almost 3 year old, but by logging in at naptime each day I managed.  After all, sobriety has to come first.  Sometimes it seems like family should come first, but without sobriety, I can't put them first, so I knew I had to make time.

And it was very helpful to keep me engaged.  The content was mostly pretty repetitive of what I learned while I was in treatment, but it was helpful to be able to review it again now that I'm back home, and by making it a daily activity I knew I was getting a regular dose of where my head should be.  It was especially helpful when I first returned home, and everything felt like I was sticking a square peg into a round hole.  I definitely feel much more at home again, and like I've established a good routine, some new healthy habits, and am doing pretty well at staying flexible and making time for myself even though I'm staying happily busy.

But I am pretty happy that now I will have a little extra time each day to devote to sobriety in different ways.  Either reading some literature or getting on here and journaling more about recovery.  I haven't been able to journal as much as I would like, and so hopefully now I'll be able to do that.  In addition to writing here, I want to start keeping a daily log of positives and negatives - my daily inventory, if you like.  I've been doing pretty well at running through my negatives each night as I ask forgiveness, but I think it's important to keep track of the good things we do each day as well.

Another milestone is being passed this week.  My husband left for his first business trip yesterday, and returns tomorrow.  Fortunately a short one!  He has a couple more coming up, which will be longer, so at least this one was short to get me used to it.  Before when my husband went on a business trip, it was an opportunity for me to drink.  He wouldn't be around, so I could drink without the trouble of hiding it, and after all, "taking care" of my daughter without any extra help meant that I deserved it... right.

Anyway, we were both a little apprehensive about it.  And when I first got back from treatment we thought that maybe I would go visit my Aunt and Uncle when this came up.  But things have been going so well, I felt confident enough to give it a go.  And I must say, it's been a bit like the square peg again.  Yesterday I definitely had more urges than I've had in a while, probably since I first got back.  But I just kept doing the next right thing, whether that was emptying the dishwasher, hanging out in the kiddie pool with my daughter, or going for a walk; and I tell you what, it works!  I don't think it will ever be a picnic to have my husband gone, but it has gotten more comfortable as it passed.  I'll have a lot more confidence, and I expect a lot less discomfort when he has to do it again.  And, I'm quite proud of myself!  (But I do miss my husband and can't wait till he's home for dinner tomorrow!